Public Nuisance

Random commentary and senseless acts of blogging.

The first Republican president once said, "While the people retain their virtue and their vigilance, no administration by any extreme of wickedness or folly can seriously injure the government in the short space of four years." If Mr. Lincoln could see what's happened in these last three-and-a-half years, he might hedge a little on that statement.
-Ronald Reagan

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Monday, August 25, 2003
 
Clark Poll

The Draft Clark campaign released the results of a new poll today showing that most Democratic primary voters agree it is not too late for a new candidate to enter the race, and a significant number are already supporting Clark. In looking more closely at the raw numbers from the poll not mentioned in the press release, I discovered some even more striking results:
  • When given a bio describing Clark as a "Rhodes scholar" and "former NATO Supreme Commander", voters chose Clark over Bush by 9%. When the word "bootylicious" was added to the Clark bio, his margin rose to an even more imprssive 14%.
  • In a result that may explain the struggling campaign of Larry Flynt, voters chose Bush by a large margin over an unnamed opponent described as "a crippled smut peddler with no education and substance abuse issues".
  • When asked why they supported their candidate, 43% of Dean backers cited his opposition to the President's Iraq policy, while 26% cited his health care plan. Asked the same question, 100% of the Graham voter said, "I like his crackers."
  • 31% of Bush voters said they supported him because his tax cuts had helped ordinary families. Of these, 74% stated they were "very interested" in an opportunity to purchase an oceanfront timeshare in Nebraska.
  • Although 73% of voters listed "national security experince" as very important or somewhat important in a prospective President, only 26% rated "former Mr Universe" as important in a prospective Governor. Among Democrats, in a number which seems to be linked to the sinking poll results of Joseph Lieberman, 82% thought it important that the Democratic presidential candidate be "not a Republican".
  • When informed of the movement to draft a man in his own age group, 100% of current US Presidents panicked and hid under their desks, until reassured that this form of "draft" didn't involve actual military duties.


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